One of a Hectic Semester...

Assalammualaikum & Hi dearest readers //giving flying kiss everywhere//

Hahaha! it's been a long time aite that right? Well, yeahhh.. Kinda busy plus to many stressful events coming from everyone this past few month! Urh!

Weeks full of idiot people everywhere.

Not that I want to complain, it's just. Urhhhhh~~~~

Please someone said that they actually have been through what i'm being through now.. Pleaselah weyhhhh.. fyi, ambil degree is kinda challenging at this moment //lol//

By now, dah masuk kali kedua aku deman berturut-turut since starting this sem. Before this, masa ambil diploma, i've never been this actual tired and sick. Well, what's past is still gonna be past. Future ahead is gonna be more crucial for sure.

Sometimes, deep down inside my heart, i just want to quit. Quit everything that i've started here. I want it to be ended quickly. Somehow, half of my heart is totally agreed with me, while the other half?

Huh.......

I don't to disappoint my parents. Especially, my mother since she's the one that have been rooting for me since the start of my Bachelor studies. She has been such a supportive mother that once i hadn't had. Now, kinda terbalik. Hahaha, my father is still the same person. Supportive as ever except that he has a lot more to worried about me and i guess he just don't want me that far from him. Hahaha, well i am away from him again now since i studied in selangor. Selangor to  Kedah takes about 6-7 hours if you're riding buses. Plus, i need more money now to study here. That's one prob that not really can be settled.....

Sebelum ni, mak aku not really this supportive. At the very first time i was taking this course (which is my major culinary art) , actually she's not that approval of my choice. Hm, you know what old people kind of mind. Not so opened minded. Hahaha, maybe since i've grown up now, i'm a bit closer to my mother and she support me until she already told me what she had her mind in planned for my future. /lol/ 

gashhhh, i was actually kinda worried because she is way ahead of my game. Hahahaha, it's not that i hate what she had in mind, it's just i'm worried that it'll cost more money and i don't want to burdened them with that kind of problems. My mak and ayah has gone through so much difficulties on money while raising me up. Plus, i studied in private universiti.

Oookayyyyy. I know what you'll might say. 

"why dia study in private universiti if dia tau parents dia tak mampu?"

"eh, bukan ke banyak je universiti awam? nak jugak bazirkan duit dekat swasta?"

"haaaaa.... anak manja ler ni masuk swasta. Tu masuk swasta kan?"

"mesti gred dia teruk kan? huh, patut laa masuk swasta..."

Kayyy guys.. i think i get the pictures... but NO. I've got my reasons. Plus, since taking my dip aku masuk swasta ok. Aku ni product from FIM (food institute of malaysia) not that gred spm aku cikai or what ever you might think. Fyi, aku budak aliran sains tulen and masuk untuk course memasak ni sebab it's kinda my passion. I love cooking, by cooking i mean more to the eating the things i want to make. Ouh, to make it more clear... ayah aku yang cadangkan untuk masuk je FIM hah. So i do as he said me too. And alhamdulillah, habis 2tahun setengah aku belajar dan dapat segulung diploma. Gred dip aku? alhamdulillah apa yang aku usaha, itu aku dapat. Taknak mintak lebih, sebab bila tamak cgpa tinggi2 ni, dia macam hipokrit sebab dekat situ semua kita nak bolot. Bila dah mula tamak ni, mula laa.. Kawan makan kawan laa, konfliks nonstop gituh. So, alhamdulillah kepada Allah SWT sebab segala usaha aku dah buat, sampai situ jaa aku dapat berdasarkan usaha aku. :)

Hm.... it's been hard this few months actually. Hahahaha, rasa nak putus asa tu kinda always visiting me when my mind is not in the right conditions. For now, alhamdulillah depressions didn't approach me yet! Hahaha, kinda weird right??? i had friends with depressions because of too much stress. Once, it's my own best friend but now she's fine i guess. She's fighting it with her own way. I just wish her the best because i think, this is just a little test because the real world are much more scarier. 

Maybe, this is because i let go of the problems slowly. You know, how i handle with these stuff??

Hahaha, ok.. Kalau nak diceritakan laa, aku macam bersyukur laa jugak dekat Allah SWT sebab bagi aku nampak sebenarnya sedih ke apa ke, kena balik kepada-Nya jugak. Aku nak mengadu dekat -Nya, tapi aku malu. Hehehe, malu sebab aku bukan hamba-Nya yang baik. Selalu tak patuh arahan wajib Dia turunkan dekat hamba2-nya. But, somehow i will always try to improve myself by always reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and that reason will make you stronger that before. Other than that, i'm blessed because of my parents. Bila rasa nak putus asa tu kuat sangat, i just start thinking of my parents. ^_____________________^

Since aku ni anak tunggal, aku taktau laa orang lain macam mana kan? but i'm sad when i think of my far away parents. They're like really rooting for me and hope for the best in my future, somehow i want to repay that all. Aku ni tak laa berasal dari keluarga yang senang. Just from a small family yang cukup-cukup nak makan and use the money for our daily basis. I'm just so sad when thinking of my father because he's getting older, same as my mother and me. The older they are, the more rest they needed, but now ayah tak boleh rest lagi sampailah aku habis bachelor. How can he enjoy his golden age if all he do is worrying about my future and the duit PT that i owe? Memanglah aku nak bayar sendiri but you know what once he said to me?

"ayah takmau anak ayah hidup susah. Biarlah ayah dengan mak yang hidup susah asalkan anak ayah cukup semua."

A love from a father to his only daughter. (okayyy, i'm actually crying when i remembered this)

Ayah and mak will never said that i'm a burden because they think it as their responsibility, but i'm just sad. Once we had everything and in a few years later, we just had each other to be able to support our family.

Haha. Did you know, when i remembered everything that had happened in our little family, it's just makes me think that it's worth of a fight and hurt while i complete this journey in the end. Well, like once wise people said....

It's what i've would always tell myself sometime when i am in a really deep thoughts :)

I don't usually go up and tell people what i REALLY felt eventho i'm more to the extravert kind of person. Even a talkative person i am, but the real feelings only shows up in one of these entries because this is my personal space that i think everyone should have. 

Anyway, enough of my randoms mumbling today. Hehehe, see you guys in the next entry :D