Feel something inside my H E A R T...

assalammualaikum dan hi~

hehe, aku tengah bosan and lagipun besok tak ada kelas.. so aku pun ingat nak updatelah blog aku yang dah lama aku tinggalkan dahulu.. 

hm, sekarang perasaan aku tengah bercampur baur.. hahaha.. rasanya sebab emosi tak menentu aku ni.. haha.. sekarang apa yang aku rasa ialah, GILA+SEDIH+MARAH+HAPPY+TAKDA RASA=?????

hahaha.. itulah equation daripada apa perasaan yang aku rasa sekarang.. hahaha..

aku rasa gila mungkin sebab ramai kawan aku yang gila2 >.<

lepas tu, aku rasa sedih mungkin sebab. . .hm... aku tengok orang lain bahagia.. ahahaha.. yelah, dulu kebahagian tu pernah datang dekat aku, tapi aku persiakannya, dan berharap bahawa diorang akan lebih bahagia daripada aku.. tapi sekarang bila diorang lebih bahagia dari aku, aku pulak nak jeles??! omg.. haha.. mohon buang la jiwa hang filzah oiii.. macam mental pun ada hang ni filzah.. hahaha

then, perasaan marah?? hurm.. mungkin marah aku ada kaitnya dengan jeles aku.. haha.. aku marah sebab aku ni bodoh juga sebenarnya.. haha.. marahlah sebab diri sendiri yang melepaskan kebahagian yang pernah datang dulu tapi sekarang nak jeles pulak? tak ke mental namanya tu.. marah sebab. . . . .

tak pernah hargai setiap yang hadir dan yang telah pergi.. marah sebab. . . . . 

sentiasa nak kejar sesuatu yang mungkin tak pernah hadir untuk aku.. cuba cari dan jadikan sesuatu yang bukan milik aku.. 

well, manusia kan?

people do make simple and dumb mistakes... never appreciate what's in front of your eyes... and when you fall down. Broken. Torn apart. That is when you realize that what you've been missing all this time. It is actually hurt. But, smile. Because you don't know what the future might bring right?

Crying would be better, right? :)

rasa happy tu sikit je sebenarnya.. haha.. happy sebab masih hidup.. diberikan peluang untuk jalani kehidupan di bumi Allah SWT yang indah ni walaupun telah dicemari.. then, lastly. . . TAKDA RASA tu. . .hurm... aku tak taw nak cakap tu macam mana..? hurhh...

maybe just blank feeling? plain? haha.. entah laaaaaaa~

you know what?? i just hope that the one i was before, is someone that i am right now. I hope to be  the strong girl that i was before and face the challenges with a smile. Not even with a tears in my eye. Just a smile. Then, i just hope my heart wouldn't be fragile as it is right now. I also don't want to be a burden to anyone. If i wanna cry, i just wanted to cry in the rain. Silently, and nobody knows that i am crying. That would be much better. Just keep all to yourself. But maybe there's a reason why Allah SWT didn't do that to me. Maybe because The Almighty knows that i'm in pain and it can cause me to be broken. . .that's why Allah change my fate and make me someone i am now. A weak girl with a fragile heart that needs an attention for the people around her so that she won't feel lonely and cry in the middle of the night in her dreams.. 

So?. . . it seems like the feeling i felt the most is SADNESS..

Lately, i've only felt this sadness inside of me. But why? why must be sadness? 

when will the happiness came? what is the right time to make this bullshit of sadness blown away? how can i be happy when there is no one here to stay and make the same happiness as i wanted too?

It will remain a question until i found the right time to feel this happiness...